Monday, October 22, 2007

Dear Cleveland:

We've seen you go down this road before. I don't think your third base coach belongs in the same grouping w/ Earnest Byner, John Elway, Satan moving your Browns or Bron Bron wearing a Yankees lid to the Jake. But I don't blame you if you want to group him in there w/ that foursome. And hey, who am I judge? Being an Astros fan, I'm the same guy that still wants to punch Albert Pujols in his steroid-shrunken testicles for what he did to poor Brad Lidge.

I can only imagine the horror of watching what ensued next, unmercifully capping w/ Kevin Youklis's bomb off the Coke bottle. I'm only guessing, but That Inning must have been the sporting equivalent of the final 15 minutes of Braveheart.

Indians Fans, and all of northern Ohio, I will not try to be creative any longer in my descriptions, although you must admit this has been damned creative writing on my part, up to this point. But while you lament what could have been, and buckle down for an unsavory winter on the shores of Lake Erie, I come to offer you a proposition.

You see, Cleveland, I moved to northern Connecticut, right in the heart of Red Sox Nation, in November 2003, shortly after Aaron Bleepin' Boone nailed Tim Wakefield's knuckler and made New England as happy as an Alice In Chains song. I remember seeing distressed Red Sox fans sit alone at empty dive bars on frozen November nights, slamming shots of Yukon Jack, and pondering the existential furies of their fathers and grandfathers. Cleveland, I'm sure you're there right now, and believe me, this is not a healthy thing.

So, it is w/ all of that in mind that, Cleveland, I propose to you the following: Move me to your city. Please read my post regarding the origins of Sports Karma first, and after you read it, I would like for you to contact me, or this blog personally, so that we can set up arrangements for you to move me to your city for one year. If we get enough responses on our blog, I will personally arrange a PayPal account for the donations, and I will set up a separate bank account for the monies to be set aside.

Ultimately, I would like to raise $150,000. On the surface, that may seem to you like an extravagant amount of money. However, once moving costs and living expenses are figured in, I would like to use this money for town rallies at your local clubs and sports bars. I want to advertise our cause and these rallies through the local sports talk radio stations, TV stations and newspapers. Any further money donated to our cause I will give back to the Cleveland Boys and Girls Club. The money you help raise I will not give to any other city, but it will stay within your community.

Cleveland, I personally want to bring the Sports Karma to you. The acclaimed preacher Joel Osteen has in the past remarked to people struggling with their faith, "You've dwelt on that mountain too long." It is time for you to rise up, get off the mountain, and reclaim your glory. Please contact me at or you can post directly to this website.

And most of all, Cleveland: Believe!


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