College Football...Are You Ready To Play 15 Questions?

For Ramiro and me, Craig Kilborn was the patron saint of College. Everyone else went with Conan but at the time we didn't appreciate Conan's self-deprecating wit especially with the ladies. Kilborn seemed almost aloof, even cocky in that Han Solo kinda way, and it showed in his signature interview-ending gimmick, Five Questions.



I met Kilborn in 2004 while I was still a production assistant for ESPN Radio. He came back for one night to host SportsCenter as a part of a 25th Anniversary celebration for the network. We shook hands, had a brief conversation about show business and I even had a chance to show off my imitation of him as well.

Four days after we met, he announced he was quitting the Late Late Show. For all intensive purposes, he hasn't been heard from since.

But with college football season upon, Ramiro and I decided there was no better way to pay tribute to our greatest memories of college than to break down the college football year by liberally borrowing from our Patron Saint of College, and his greatest gimmick. This time, though, we're going use an extended remix of it.

College football...are you ready to play 15 questions? Here we go! We start with geography...

1. Which team will have the biggest impact on their new conference?

Ramiro: In Mexico we boil corn and eat it in a cup with butter and seasonings. That’s what’s gonna happen to Nebraska. Biggest impact? Boise State! No doubt about it.

Tray: Nebraska wouldn't have the biggest impact? Really? Considering that Michigan is still a train wreck from the RichRod era, Ohio State lost their starting QB and head coach, Michigan State is still regarded as an inferior to their big brother in Ann Arbor and Iowa is too busy giving their players kidney problems, I'm taking Nebraska here.

For Boise State, the move is simply a lateral one. Of course they've made lateral moves before that worked out pretty well, but still.






2. Who wins in a death-off: JoePa or Beano Cook?

Ramiro: Is this even a real question? I’m convinced JoePa has a titanium skeleton! The guy has been knocked down twice in recent memory and has been fine! Twice, Tray! Twice! The golf cart he rides in is to distract his enemies. Meanwhile, Beano Cook is gonna wonder into traffic eventually. Can he form a sentence?

Tray: Actually, he's been injured three times in the last five years, dude. Not two. We know about the most recent incident where he injured his shoulder, his hip and even suffered a hairline fracture of his goddamn pelvis. But he had his hip replaced in 2008 after trying to demonstrate an onside kick and he had his leg broken after a Wisconsin player ran into him on the sidelines in 2006. That's three times now that Death has been knockin' in the last five years and JoePa slammed the door on Death's face each time like he was a door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman.

I guess now that I think about it, not only would JoePa beat Beano Cook in a death-off, but at this point, he might even beat Keith Richards too. JoePa FTW.

3. Who's your surprise team for 2011 and why?

Ramiro: I’m gonna go with Oklahoma. As in, it’s gonna be a surprise how fast they fall from the Number 1 spot. Just watch.

Tray: I do believe your hatred of OU is running wild right now. Seriously, do you think they're losing to Florida State? If you do, great, but just know that's about their only shot at losing possibly all year. They get Tech and A&M at home. The only game on their schedule I could see them losing is the last game of the year in Stillwater.

On the other hand, a real surprise team to me is someone who started 0-2 last year. Virginia Tech has an incredibly favorable schedule with a non-conference slate of Appalachian State, East Carolina, Marshall and Arkansas State. Their only tough road game is at Georgia Tech. If they aren't undefeated by their November 10 tilt with the Yellow Jackets then something went massively wrong in Blacksburg.

4. Who will be the biggest disappointment for 2011?

Ramiro: The biggest diappointment will be not getting enough Erin Andrews. Who are these jokers in programming, Tray? I mean, come on!



Seriously… I’m going with the Stanford Cardinal. Without Harbaugh’s leadership, this ship is gonna sink faster than the Titanic. Andrew Luck, seriously, lots of love for staying in college and enjoying life, but deep down inside, we all know you should have bolted.

Tray: We saw that one coming though. No way in Hell they were going to be as good as they were last year. Andrew Luck is nothing more than Jake Locker 2.0. Good luck with that, Luck.

That said, there's always one team that gets into the Top 10 every year and you just sorta look at it and say, "What the hell are they doing there?" This year's team is #9 Oklahoma State. They have Arizona, at A&M, at Texas, at Mizzou, at Tech and close the year against OU. They will lose at least three of those games guaranteed.

Mike Gundy may be a man, but he ain't getting through that gauntlet, and I don't care how old he is.



5. No seriously, have you figured out why Tray's former employer keeps rolling out Beano Cook? I mean, what purpose does this guy serve other than being nostalgic for the 1940s?

Ramiro: It’s like the reverse of the Bill Cosby “Kids Say the Darndest Things”. In this case, “Senile ol’ Beano Says the Darndest Things”…

Tray: I just want to know if he thinks Joe Theismann will win two Heismans this year. I also want to hear him count to potato during Gameday.

6. The Longhorns will do what this season?

Ramiro: I’m gonna stay optimistic and say we are totally capable of getting an 8-9 win season. I think that’s a goal. See you at the Cotton Bowl!

Tray: You have more confidence than I do. Take a read of this recent Cedric Golden piece, and tell me otherwise. Mack Brown doesn't believe in this bunch, and if he doesn't, I don't have any reason to either. I'm going lower like 6-7 wins.

And I have a bonus prediction: Case McCoy takes over the starting QB job after the OU game.

7. Gus Johnson will be the new voice of Fox College Football on Saturday nights. How many Hail Marys will he get to call? Over/under is 2.5...

Ramiro: Jeez… that’s a tough one. I think under, 2. I can’t wait to see them though. CBS, you are mildly retarded.

Tray: I may be insane, but I'm taking the over on this one, and I have two good reasons why. The first is the Law of Gus. Secondly, don't you think the Pac-12 is pretty competitive? Toss Oregon aside for a second (the best of the conference) and Washington State (the worst of the conference), and what do you get? You have seven or eight teams that all match up pretty well with each other. I see a lot of games down to the wire, and if you throw in the Gus Johnson Factor, I could totally see three Hail Marys in one season. Now you'll notice the question doesn't ask if they'll be completed. I just said how many do you think you'll see.

And yes, CBS, you are retarded. I want to see a CBS Sports executive and Beano Cook have an epic spell-off. First one to potato wins.

8. You get to go to one game this year outside of Austin and it cannot involve the Longhorns. Where are you going and why?

Ramiro: You know, my first instinct was just to choose a game I really wanted to go to purely on the game itself. But then I started thinking that there are a lot of things to consider, like tailgating, women, and overall atmosphere. I want a quality game, great tailgating, beautiful women in tiny dresses to talk to and I would like to generally “cheer” for one team. The only team I can cheer for without throwing up all over myself would be Michigan. I hate Ohio State. But the game will probably suck … I would have chosen LSU at Oregon, but that’s two Top 5 teams the first week? Although it will probably be a great game, whoever loses will be forgiven by the end of the season, negating the game itself…

I think I’m going with LSU at Alabama, Nov. 5. Probably two Top 5 teams near the end of the season with real implications, beautiful Southern women and great barbecue and beer in tailgating? I’m in heaven. Oh and I’m cheering for LSU, obviously. And I’m hoping there’s some desperate screw up with the time and the Ol’ Mad Hatter comes up with something brilliant.

Tray: You will get no argument from me, but I'm going with Oregon at Stanford on November 12. I've never been to the Bay Area before and I owe your pledge brother and my ex-roommate, Domingo Guerra, a visit to the San Francisco area. Considering the fact that he's a Stanford alum (he got his Masters there), has connections and can probably get us good seats where I can drink Anchor Steam all day, this sounds like a deal.

Couple that with a potential national championship contender in Oregon, getting a chance to watch a future NFL quarterback in Stanford's Andrew Luck play plus I'm pretty certain the food won't suck and the weather will be great...I mean, that will not suck in any way, shape or form.

Maybe Stanford pulls the upset. And if they don't, I will still have awesome views of Palo Alto and an Anchor Steam in hand. I like this idea.

9. Best looking cheerleaders (alma mater excluded)?

Ramiro: One step from Hollywood… I gotta go USC here. Classic California beauties? Absoluuuutely.



Tray: The University of Florida cheerleaders would like a word with you. Actually, they want a word with me first.



10. Best tailgating (alma mater and LSU both excluded b/c, let's face it...the Cajuns crush all in the tailgate dept)?

Ramiro: Hard to say since I have never been, but again, I’m going with deep South. If you’re taking LSU away from the table, then I will say ‘bama or Ole Miss!

Tray: The Grove in Oxford, Mississippi. I cannot argue with this. A 10-acre spread of beautiful women, astronomical calorie-counts and fields of booze, booze, plentiful booze. When Axl Rose sang about the Paradise City where the grass was green and the girls are pretty, I believe he spoke of this place.







Excellent call, my friend.

11. If you had to guess, what program would you suspect will be the next program taken down by scandal?

Ramiro: Assuming the ones already investigated are off the table, I would have to guess LSU. Mad Hatter has that crazy look in his eyes. I’m sure something will come up.

Tray: LSU is sorta-kinda off the table given the recent incidents of Jordan Jefferson. I will casually assume we're talking about the scandals closer to Ohio State and Miami than we are scandals that involve beating the crap out of people at Shady's in Baton Rouge.

And if we're keeping in line with scandals closer to Ohio State and Miami, it's just a matter of time before something big leaks about Oregon. Yeah, I know they had a thing-to-do this summer, but that's nothing. I'm talking about a massive scandal that will probably involve Phil Knight, briefcases of money, blocks of Colombian chronic and dead hookers. It'll be like Scarface with a spread offense.

12. How much will Andrew Luck regret not going to the NFL when he had the chance?

Ramiro: Hmmm, how much would you regret having a winning lottery ticket and exchanging it for another lottery ticket not yet scratched?

Tray: So in other words...Jake Locker? Matt Leinert? No disagreements here.

13. What will be the bigger mistake: The Longhorn Network or the Aggies decision to leave the Big XII as a result of the Longhorn Network?

Ramiro: Aggies, no question… By the way, will Aggies have to change their fight song? Seriously, no one has answered this for me!

Tray: Well, if they no longer play the Longhorns, then yes, they will have to change it. Honestly, leaving the Big XII conference will be the single-greatest thing that Texas A&M University has ever done. It won't be the greatest thing for Aggies Football, but that's secondary.

As everyone well knows, my hatred for the Aggies has been strong ever since the 1999 Bonfire collapse. The fact that they could continue such a tradition even unofficially and off-campus is repulsive to me. The fact that the Aggies couldn't recognize that carrying on a "tradition" that killed twelve of their own over a football game defied all laws of common sense. In fact, it defies civility in my mind.

I strongly suspect that new Texas A&M president R. Bowen Loftin recognizes that the school he is now running has a terrible national reputation after Bonfire, and if he doesn't act to distance the culture, he may lose generations of national and international students.

Forging a new culture and a new identity is probably one of the best things that ever happened to College Station. I wish them well as they head to the SEC and lose eight games a year. Good luck with Vanderbilt, Aggies.

14. And the Heisman goes to...?

Ramiro: LaMichael James. With his support and the Flying V formation for the Oregon Ducks, (Yes! I made my “Mighty Ducks” reference!) you can’t lose!

Tray: Trent Richardson, Alabama. I'm going with the SEC until somebody steps up and proves otherwise.

15. Who's playing for the national championship? Who's winning?

Ramiro: Oregon-Boise State! I can always dream! Oregon wins.

Tray: Just to tie it altogether, I'm going with the SEC until proven otherwise and my surprise team. Alabama-Virginia Tech for the national championship.

And yes, the Tide will roll. Big time.

The End of The Dirt Road, Part Two: How the NFL Can End Corruption In College Football

***Click here for Part 1***

The NFL needs a minor league system where they can cultivate their talent minus the obvious corruption and outside influence the college game brings. An NFL minor league would also weed out the kids who simply are not cut out for handling both an athletic and scholastic schedule simultaneously.

However, a minor league must be handled responsibly in both respect to profit and players' personal development, both as a football player and a person. College football should be doing that but have failed egregiously for all of the outlined reasons. Furthermore, Roger Goddell and the NFL has enough clout at this point to advise the NCAA of the following:

"The president is looking at you. Congress is looking at you. State attorney generals are looking at you. You can follow this path and face investigations. Or you can work with us. It's your choice. But know this. The President is not looking at us."

Therefore the NFL could propose the following rough outline to the NCAA as a joint pact in the development of a true football minor league system.

• Every NFL team has one minor league affiliate.
• The drafting of high school players begins the weekend between the Conference Championship games and the Super Bowl. The traditional NFL draft would remain on the same dates in April.
• The minor league is for players straight out of high school or players that have been demoted from the NFL due to developmental reasons
• The NFL minor league schedule begins two weeks after the Super Bowl and ends with the Minor League Super Bowl on the 4th of July.
• A player may be called up during the season for any reason the club deems necessary, including injury or just because the club feels that the individual is ready to play in the NFL.

These would seem like fairly agreeable terms thus far. However, if the NFL wants this to be a truly remarkable venture, it won't be enough to simply draw up a minor league and call it a success. The reality is that the NFL would be employing 18-year-old men who still need guidance. Guidance that some of them may never had gotten at home, and many more still are not getting in the ranks of college football. Therefore a social contract between the NFL and NCAA must be of paramount importance in the league's and players' development.

• If a high schooler elects to forgo college to play in the NFL minor league, he cannot be convicted of a felony while employed by the League. If a player is convicted of a felony, the penalty is automatic termination of his contract and a permanent ban from playing in the NFL or any having any employment in the League itself.
• However, through a joint effort with the NFL and NCAA, any player that is convicted of a felony can still attend college and play college football once a player has served his sentence to completion. Although a player is no longer eligible for employment with the NFL, an opportunity is still provided to the young man to gain his college degree after time served.
• Any player that must "retire" in the minor leagues due to a career-ending injury may still attend an NCAA university at no cost, but cannot play football for that school under any circumstance.
  
• No school may be permitted more than two NFL expulsions due to felonies or injury.
• Any felony conviction while playing college football will result in a permanent ban from the NCAA as well. Any re-enrollment after time served would be for academics exclusively and at the university's discretion.

The above mentioned proposal is admittedly controversial, and openly advocates socially engineering due a certain extent. No doubt this will generate a fair number of questions such as the following:

Q: Wait a second, how is it fair that someone convicted of a felony can still attend college football and PLAY college football while they're at it?

A: Sports Karma never advocated that it was fair. In many ways, it's not fair at all especially to the students that bust their tails, get good grades, work jobs and participate in extracurricular activities. To those people who state that the most controversial piece of this proposal isn't fair, they are 100 percent correct. It's not fair.

However, I would urge others to consider the cases of both former Ohio State RB Maurice Clarett and former Texas RB Ramonce Taylor.

Clarett was just a freshman when Ohio State upset Miami to win the 2002 National Championship, but was kicked off the team in 2003 after filing false police reports. After losing a landmark case against the NFL where Clarett challenged the NFL's age requirements, he was released on waivers on August 28, 2005 by the Denver Broncos.

Not even six months later, on February 10, 2006, Clarett was indicted on two counts of aggravated robbery with gun specifications. Less than a year after he was cut by the Broncos, Clarett was arrested again this time charged with driving with an open container of Grey Goose vodka while carrying loaded handguns and AK-47s. Clarett could not be tased in the incident because he was wearing body armor.

In April 2010, Clarett was granted early release. He is now playing for the Omaha Nighthawks of the United Football League.

Taylor's story, although nowhere near as dramatic, is much the same as Clarett's. Taylor was the starting RB on the Longhorns 2005 National Championship team. Coach Mack Brown kicked Taylor off the team in May 2006 after he was accused of felony drug charges. Taylor was sentenced to 60 days in jail in September 2006, and was sentenced to jail again in 2008 for a probation violation.

Taylor was cut from the Edmonton Eskimos of the Canadian Football League in June 2010. He's now playing the Rio Grande Valley Dorados of the Arena Football League.

Both men won national championships. Both men were convicted of felonies. Neither man played in the NFL nor is it likely that they will ever play in the NFL. Both men were involved in criminal activity while at their respective universities, but both got into further trouble once football was removed completely from their lives. Both men have returned to football, but are playing at a level that would be considered minor league at best.

What both men do once football is officially over remains anyone's guess.

Is it fair that we give convicted felons a second opportunity at playing football and getting a free college education? Perhaps not, but consider the alternative presented when football as structure is removed completely from a young man's life. Forget about Clarett and Taylor as football players for a moment, and what these felony convictions cost them. Instead, how much did it cost society to have to prosecute and house Clarett and Taylor? How much will it continue to cost society when their football careers are done and they really don't have much to show for it?

Furthermore, Clarett and Taylor were both star players. Both were starting in their respective national championship games. The reality, however, is that many players regardless of skill level aren't graduating, and it's not because all of them are making the leap to the NFL. Texas, for example, graduated only 49 percent of its players according to a November 2009 report by the NCAA.

The question isn't about what happens to guys like Clarett and Taylor. The bigger question has to be how many of these guys don't we hear about in the news? How many of these players never graduate from institutions like Texas and have nothing to show for it?

The plain truth is that for too long, our schools both on a public and university level, have valued exceptional athletes for their endeavors on the field and cut them excessive slack in the classroom. This benefits no one--not the schools, the athletes or society as a whole--when athletics have been taken away entirely, and the athletes have little to fall back as a result.

This proposal takes this into account and allows the athlete turned felon to have other options in life besides football.

Q. Wait a sec, it's still not fair though! Why shouldn't other felons be offered the same opportunities? Why should football players be singled out for special treatment?

A. Sports Karma never advocated full social rehabilitation for every criminal. Some criminals, frankly, don't deserve social rehabilitation. The proposal is meant as a way to restructure both the NFL and the NCAA. If other states or the federal government would like to try new methods of rehabilitation for other criminals regardless of athletic achievement, that's ultimately at their discretion.

Furthermore, college is not the answer for everyone. Sports Karma fully recognizes that not all people, regardless of criminal history, will necessarily be cut out for the rigors of collegiate studies. However, under the guise of football, college is the most appropriate place for this social contract to occur.

Q. A permanent employment ban in the NFL? Doesn't that seem harsh?

A. Not really. As Clarett and Taylor demonstrated, 18-year-olds have a tendency to get in trouble especially if there's not a great deal of structure provided to them. A draconian policy would be needed as a mechanism to curtail and discourage such activities.

Q. OK, you've really managed to piss me off with this social contract of yours, but so be it. Moving on to other things, how are you really going to sell a kid on joining an NFL minor league? Doesn't the idea of college girls and football sound way more appealing to an 18-year-old than living in a traditional minor league city like Albuquerque?

A. Simple. Being in the NFL minor leagues makes the individual a better football player. Period. Consider that a player in the minor leagues sole devotion would be to football. They would have no outside classes to attend to or anything of that nature. Consequently, a player devoted to the game of football will ultimately be better than the player who goes to college and has to devote time to additional studies. It just boils down to a matter of more practice.

Therefore a high schooler who is drafted by the NFL minor leagues will have a greater earning potential than his collegiate counterpart and achieve that earning potential in a quicker time frame. The college player will have to compete against someone who has spent every day engrossed in nothing but football, and has received tutelage and coaching by NFL employees who know exactly what the League wants to see in a player. The NFL minor leaguer would actually be at a competitive advantage for NFL jobs and NFL millions, not the college player.

Q. What about players that commit a felony in college? Will they still be allowed in the NFL draft? And what about players that commit felonies while in the NFL, but didn't go through the minor leagues?

A. The NFL minor league is a special system set up for those that truly want to focus on football, and be the absolute best. There are different rules that apply for the minor leagues because the players are on a fast track to the NFL. What players did while they were in college will be examined on a case-by-case basis as it currently is now. Furthermore, players that commit felonies while in the NFL regardless of whether they participated in the minor league system, will be reviewed by the Commissioner and handled on a case-by-case basis.

Q. Wouldn't a minor league of this magnitude severely damage college football's drawing power?

A. Doubtful. In much of the United States, especially in Texas and in SEC country, college football is such an ingrained part of life that it would be unfathomable to imagine all of the tailgating and pageantry to suddenly shut down just because the prized five-star recruits decided to play in minor leagues instead. Besides, as mentioned previously, college football turned a $1 billion profit in 2010. It would be unthinkable that college football would fall apart just because the talent level might drop off to a certain extent. It might not turn a $1 billion profit if there's an NFL minor league in place, but the stadiums will still fill up on Saturday afternoons in the fall up to capacity, no doubt. Furthermore, the NFL minor league schedule wouldn't interfere with either the college or the pro game so conflict could occur.

Q. The NFL is a for-profit business. How does the NFL make money off this minor league?

A. Ticket sales obviously, but that's just the beginning. If the NFL branches out to other cities and stadiums, this opens up a whole new avenue of licensing and merchandise. Minor league jersey sales won't do as well as they would in the NFL due to the temporal nature of the players, but everything else that sells on NFL.com could be sold as merchandise.

This would also be a fantastic marketing opportunity for the NFL. Currently, after the Super Bowl, the NFL isn't heard from again until the April Draft, and then it's not heard from until the start of training camp in July. With a minor league schedule staring in mid-February and ending on Independence Day, the NFL can literally be in the news year-round. This keeps brand awareness alive at all times and allows various cross-selling opportunities between the NFL franchises and their minor league affiliates.

Moreover, finding stadiums to play in shouldn't be an issue. As a part of the joint agreement between the NFL and NCAA, the minor league teams can play games in college stadiums, if available, and the schools can receive a 15% cut of all revenue at the game. Fifteen percent may not seem like a great deal, but it's considerably more than what they were making with the stadium empty for a vast portion of the year.

If the NCAA finds this agreement objectionable, there's nothing to suggest that the teams can't already use the stadiums in place that NFL teams play in or find other municipal stadiums that don't have contractual agreements to a local university. Examples could include places like the Alamodome or even baseball stadiums reconfigured for football.


You don't know who this person is yet.

That man is Mark Emmert and he is the president of the NCAA. I don't envy him one bit. Emmert will have some very difficult decisions to make in the next few years, especially in President Obama wins a re-election. You may not recognize him now, but if President Obama wins in 2012, rest assured he may become the face of a Congressional investigation as to how an alleged non-profit can rack up a $1 billion profit. How his industry repeatedly aligns itself with felons. How some of his alleged student-athletes become felons.

And perhaps most importantly, he might become the face of a government investigation that calls for closing of corporate tax loopholes. He's going to have an awful lot of questions to answer. But so will university presidents. So will "boosters" like Nevin Shapiro. So will former players. So will coaches. So will current NFL players.

Mark Emmert may not want to answer these questions. He may not have a choice. What he has is a choice now to either clean up college football's mess or have someone do it for him. The question is: Who cleans it up? The feds or Roger Goddell?

Regardless of who cleans up college football, change must happen. The NFL can benefit from this more than anyone, but what will it come down to is President Emmert and the path he chooses for the NCAA.

It might be change we can believe in. But if Mark Emmert doesn't act, it will be change the NCAA will believe in.

So help them God.